TFLN Avengers Inspired

captainamericarogers:

_{Since Avengers: Age of Ultron is oficially out in theaters, I’ve compiled a list of TFLN that in some sort of way, deal with Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.} 

• _{[ text: ] In the middle of fucking me, she said “Hold on, I need my Hulk hands.”}
  
• _{[ text: ] I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.}
  
• _{[ text: ] The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.}
  
• _{[ text: ] my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook}
  
• _{[ text: ] don’t worry i won’t let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.}
  
• _{[ text: ] She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird}
  
• _{[ text: ] She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.}
  
• _{[ text: ] See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed}
  
• _{[ text: ] Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.}
  
• _{[ text: ] Everyone is sleeping and i’m sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.}
  
• _{[ text: ] he just kept saying “come on iron man, you can do this!” to himself the whole time..}
  
• _{[ text: ] What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask}
  
• _{[ text: ] I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was “Tony Stark”. As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.}
  
• _{[ text: ] quick, give me some iron man trivia, i’m going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio}
  
• _{[ text: ] You shouted, “LOOK I’M HAWKEYE,” and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.}
  
• _{[ text: ] It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don’t think regular birth control will stop Thor’s sperm.}
  
• _{[ text: ] I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..}
  
• _{[ text: ] There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.}
  
• _{[ text: ] yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.}
  
• _{[ text: ] I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug}
  
• _{[ text: ] He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.}
  
• _{[ text: ] There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I’m going in.}
  
• _{[ text: ] Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.}
  
• _{[ text: ] Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck}
  
• _{[ text: ] Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.}
  
• _{[ text: ] Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?}
  
• _{[ text: ] Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.}
  
• _{[ text: ] So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn’t hate it.}
  
• _{[ text: ] My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions}